Mid-Life Rider

I find these lists entertaining.  Keeping in mind that Esquire was Cosmo for Men before there was a Cosmo, here are some amusing lists.

31 Things A Man Should Own

I’d love to interview the guy who put this list together.  It’s not mine.  Some entries . . .

1. An iron skillet (have one/I guess)
2. A valid passport (agree/have one)
3. A multi-purpose tool (agree/have one)
4. A good corkscrew (agree/have one)
5. An ax (I guess that depends)
6. WD-40 (you mean everyone doesn’t have this?  Disqualified for being too obvious)
7. Cordless Drill (see previous)
8. Weekend Shoulder Bag (This deserves a chapter in a book if not an entire book. I couldn’t count all the shoulder bags, computer bags, briefcases, camera bags, motorcycle bags, etc. that I’ve bought.  The search never ends!)
9. Giant wool blanket that never leaves the car (I missed this one. Great idea)
10. Chain Saw (see ax)
11. Work Gloves (agree/have many)
12. Carpenter’s Lever (Agree/have several.  If you’re a real man, It’s a proper four foot wooden mason’s level)
13. Boots for the shop. (If you have a shop)
14. Boots for everywhere else (I have many pairs for many uses.  Don’t you?)
15. Jack (willing to stipulate)
16. Claw hammer (Yes/and. That’s it for tools.  See following)
17. Lantern (Agree you need emergency light source.  Another chapter on this topic alone)
18. Chef’s Knife (Just one?  Agree/Have many)
19. Flying Disc (You mean a Frisbee?  Why?)
20. US Road Atlas (You can never have enough maps)
21. A high quality air pump (not a bad thing to have, but I can think of ten other things I’d rather have)
22. Jumper cables (agree/have some)
23. Charcoal grill (at least some kind of grill)
24. Card holder (who has business cards anymore?)
25. Pocket knife (yes, yes a thousand times yes, and more than one)
26. Grease (I’ll not comment on this one)
27. A lucky charm (agree/have several)
28. $1,000 hidden in your house somewhere (why not?)
29. An LED flashlight (see lantern)
30. A money clip (see Card Holder)
31. Joy of Cooking (Well that’s a bit of a surprise!  We have two, but only because she has two.)

Things Not on the List That Should Be

1. Duct Tape.  Gray only please.
2. Proper tools. I don’t care whether it’s general carpentry, automotive, electrical, drywall . . . buy what the contractors buy.  Be a man for goodness sake.  No wimpy consumer grade, off brand, made of old pots and pans crap.
3. A good compass. And know how to use it.
4. A fine fountain pen. And ink to go in it.
5. A fresh deck of playing cards. Bicycles.
6. A set of dominoes.  Vintage if you can get them.  Sixes and twelves.  Keep a set in your Bug Out Bag.
7. A Bug Out Bag packed and ready to go.
8. A proper first aid kit.  And take the Red Cross training so you know how to use it!
9. A yo yo.  Much more entertaining than a flying disk.  Bonus points if you can do tricks.
10. At least one really serious tool: Sawzall, 1/2 inch drill, a pipe wrench as big as your arm, a drywall T Square . . . something like that.
11. A Louisville Slugger baseball bat.  Even if you’re not into American baseball.  Glove and ball optional. How did it take me that long to get this far?
12. A watch you have to wind.  If you don’t have time for yoga or meditation in the morning, at least you can wind your watch.
13. A favorite coffee mug.  Something really substantial that you could use to pound nails or take out a burglar with if necessary.
14. A leather jacket.  I have several of the motorcycle variety.
15. A moleskin pocket journal for writing notes, making quick sketches, and trapping random phone numbers.
16. An escape route.  If you have to ask about this, don’t.
17. Tooth picks.

And these just in from a colleague . . .

I know that any one individual could go on and on regarding this list but there are some obvious items that are missing; for example: (NOTE – THIS IS NOT A PERSONAL LIST, JUST OBSERVATIONS).

1. No electronic items?  TV remote, Blackberry, GPS, radar detector etc.
2. Unfinished do-it-yourself projects (at least 3).
3. A propane powered blow torch for killing weeds (very masculine)
4. An unlimited supply of old car magazines.
5. Hidden copies of Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler.
6. Rambo DVDs.
7. Worn socks and underwear that somehow found their way under the bed and not into the laundry basket.
8. A fiberglass stepladder.
9. Very cool looking sunglasses (must be expensive).

Even more . . .

1. Jetboil with the coffee press thingee
2. Sufficient ammunition for all those guns on your list (good luck with that)
3. A good torque wrench
4. Something your dad gave you. Bonus points if you always wanted it as a kid.
5. Something your grandfather gave your dad. Bonus points if it still works.
6. Something your grandfather gave you. Double bonus points if it’s a moose head.
7. A fine pair of binoculars. Fancy German brands are good. Vintage Bushnells in an old leather case are even better. See previous points.
8. A real lighter. No Bics. Zippo is a bit obvious but qualifies in spades. I like Colibri.
9. A place nobody knows about but you and the time to go there.
10. Love of a good woman (besides the sugar momma).
11. A favorite scarf. Bonus points if it’s handmade.
12. Someone to drink all that good scotch and bourbon with.
13. An old family recipe that the women aren’t allowed to make.

From a friend in Upstate NY

Yeah these lists are always fun. Being the kind of guy I am, I would want to add stuff like:

1. An arc welder and cutting torch
2. Instead of keeping a blanket in my car I keep a log chain
3. Maybe a digital multimeter
4. A “slim jim” (for opening locked car doors)
5. Most definitely own a necktie with the nude female form.

From the forums . . .

1. Fingernail clippers
2. Sufficient caliber handgun e.g. .45 ACP, .40 SW, .500 SW
3. Long gun, Marlin lever action 45-70
4. Quality CO2 fire extinguisher
5. Hand crank radio (emergency/wx)
6. Quality magnifying glass
7. Sufficient supply of Kentucky bourbon, single malt scotch and tequila
8. Fishing pole
9. Tool belt
10. At least one suit that fits and is currently in style
11. A dog or a memory of a dog you used to have.
12. A Tuxedo
13. Dremel Tool
14. At least 3 Putters and or Drivers not in use
15. Assortment of different size clamps
16. Selective hearing
17. Credit Card
18. Beer